Encouragment

Well, looks like my life is turning back to somewhat normal- I feel like i haven't known normal for a while actually.  But i guess normal is what I make of it.  These last few weeks have been crazy busy but wonderful and such a blessing to me.  God has really used many things in my life these last few weeks to not only calm me and bring me peace, but to bring me encourgament as well. 

I feel like this new year is starting off great!  God is really working on me, convicting me, shepherding me, and molding me.  I love having good conversations with my husband about our expectations and what the Lord is teaching us in our lives.....car rides are usually a great time for that, never really planned, they just happen!  This last week coming home from Huntsville was a time for one of those great conversations.

Anthony and I are not readers typically, we just dont crawl up with a book for fun, but we decided to start reading books together so that we can study on ways to strengthen our marriage and spark conversation of what our expectations of a marriage look like to both of us.  Over this last year- I have learned a lot, not only about Anthony, but about myself.  I can see how marriage and relationships can be the very thing that God uses to sanctify us. 

I am so excited to live life with my best friend- a man who desires to be a Godly man, to lead me, and to make me happy.  He isn't perfect, obviously, because he is a sinful human just like the rest of us.  But a lightbulb has been turning on for me these last few weeks. 

Most relationship books and counselors would probably say that relationships are like an emotional bank- what you put into it is what you get out.  I believe that is a wrong way to look at relationships, from a Christian perspective.  As women we need love, we desire to be loved- by words, actions and understanding gestures.  For men, (Anthony shared) that they desired to be loved as well but in a somewhat different way.  They want to have your support no matter what, they want their woman to stand beside them and to look up to them.  They need a wife who admires and encourages them in a respectful way.  Anthony shared that failure can be a great fear in a man, and to have a wife who continually shows them love through the failures is what helps him conquer through life.  Something i have noticed about wives so often are those that admire and respect and look up to their husbands, and those whom you can tell do not have any respect at all by the way they speak about their husbands. 

Some woman say- "My husband doesn't give me any reason to look up to him, so why should i sugarcoat or say something that isn't true?"  If you want to beat your husband down, if you want to make him feel the lowest of low, then you will do just that by seeing him in a negative light, by saying a snippy comment or putting him down in front of people (even if it was a joke).  As a wife, God has placed us in an amazing position- a position to build them up or tear them down.  Husbands are going to fail, multiple times- they may even be hurtful, but God still calls you to respect him and show him respect.

Something a girlfriend and I were discussing yesterday was how many relationship books constantly say that if you are good to your husband, he will be good to you.  Is this really the goal?  Isn't that a selfish goal?  Does this goal sanctify us or cripple us?  Is God this way to us?  If that is the case- God could be a lot more harsher with us because we are no perfect angels to Him.  No, i believe that God calls ME to be good to my husband, uplift him, respect him- in front of people and in my home.  I want people to look at me and know that i love my husband no matter what and that i adore him.  I want to be a Godly wife who doesn't hold things in or gives him good things when he is good to me.  No- God calls us to love and respect no matter what life brings.  I can see this being difficult and a challenge to my spiritual walk of course, but isn't all pruning just that- a good thing though it hurts?

I welcome the challenge today, a challenge that brings sweetness into a marriage, a bond like no other, a blessing beyond imagined.  I am grateful i have  a wonderful husband who wants to walk with me down the road of marriage, who wants to be sanctified and willing to see his own flaws so as to give them to the Lord so that i may bennifit.  I look up to him and couldn't imagine going through this life without my best friend and partner!

Thank you

This last weekend i realized, once again, that i am so unbelievably blessed.  As so often I take for granted the love that others have for me and how they share their love. 

This last weekend i had my lingerie shower my two aunts threw for me.  They went ALL out and did so much, over and beyond what i could have ever have expected or wanted.  They made me feel special, loved, and gave me lots of "tid bits" of information...lol.  I am so thankful they took one of their weekends, a weekend i am sure could have been used doing MANY other things, but they were so selfless and made the weekend special for me.  Thank you Aunt Vickie and Aunt Nett!

I wanted to express how thankful i am to Katelyn, who also made it her goal to make my night special at my bachelorette party!  She prepared an awesome, fun night- full of laughter and fun!  Unfortunatly, because I am baptist (at least i am attributing it to this) my "dancing" skills need a little more practice! We had fun though, it was absolutly perfect.  I really appreciate all the girls spending their whole saturday with me- I really needed that girl time.  I loved how i was able to have individual conversations with each girl as they expressed what they are learning, or have already learned, and what they are going through at this point of their life as well as marriage advice- the do's and dont's.  I especially am thankful for a prayer said at the end of the night for me- you are so sweet Dessa!  I really appreciate how you were there all day with me, you opened your home, let us shower it up that afternoon, then took pictures and did anything i needed!  You are such a sweet friend- i know you have such a servants heart in all you do and it shows!  Michelle- thank you for traveling hours upon hours to come to support and be with me.  You are such a sweet friend/bridesmaid and i am so lucky/blessed to have you as one of my closest friends!  I can't wait to walk with you through the process of your engagment and being there for you!

I also wanted to express thanks to my mom!  I appreciate how she has made it her mission in life, to raise me and equip me with the Word of God to prepare me for my future life and marriage.  I know i have her support in whatever and wherever the Lord has lead me and I am so thankful for that!  God has used her in so many ways to speak guidance and wisdom into my life.  She has been faithful in raising me up in the ways of the Lord (Deut. 6).

I am continually reminded of the things in which i am thankful for.  This month is dedicated to Thanksgiving and the Lord continues to remind me of the blessings I have...over and over again.  One of my friends shared with me her list she made of why she loves her husband.  I thought that was a GREAT idea becuase there are so many things i love about Anthony- and learning new things each day.  I have known Anthony for a little over a year now and as we were reflecting on our "first date" and giddy place we both were last year for each other, we talked about where we are now.  Wow- this year has had its good and bad moments.  This year has been a lot of learning, and a lot of talking and a lot of realizing a lot abour myself.  I can't say i LOVED every minute of this year, but i can say that God has used this year to break and mold and rebuild and i wouldn't have changed that for the world.  Anthony and I have learned a lot about each other and about ourselves.  He is my best friend, and i am so blessed to have him in my life.  I couldn't imagine spending and living life with anyone else. 

I do not put Anthony on a pedistool, i know he his human, he messes up, he isn't perfect.  But I am reminded that i am not perfect either.  We are two imperfect people who have been placed in each other's life and this year has been a year of refinement, one of impurities coming to the surface as God is stripping us to make us more like Him.  I love Anthony for many reasons, and though he isn't perfect, he is perfect for me.  I am blessed.

Reasons why I love my Man...

1. Strengh- You are so strong Ant, and i love this about you.  I feel like when i am at my weakest points, i know i can depend and lean on you.  You dont dominate or demand anything- you just have natural, God given strength that attracts me to you.  i love how no situation is too big or hard to handle.  You get your strength from the Lord and that is evident!

2. Supportive- You are the one that is always there for me, to hold me when i cry, to give advice, to pray for me, to speak kind words. When i am having a bad week/day or better yet on a larger front, when i am frustrated with things going on in my life, i know i can ALWAYS count on you to be by my side.  You cheer me on and point me to the Lord.  You have always been my support and i know i can lean on you for any problem, big or small, and i know you seek my good and faithful to support any decisions that i make. 

3. Leader- You are the one i can depend on to tell me what i need to hear. Sometimes i dont want to hear what you have to say, i dont want to be confronted with sin, or see selfishness in myself, or see a critical heart, but i am so thankful that you care enough about our relationship and about me to be a leader and confront issues. Not only do you confront me, but you also strive to confront things in your own life.  I love how you lead us to talk about things, not run away (like me..lol).  That is one thing that makes you are great leader, is that you want to work and talk things out, even if it is uncomfortable.  You confront me with a concerned, gentle heart and speak to me with kindness and i know that God has put you in my life, as the leader, to be my strength when i need to hear things in my life so i can be the woman God has called me to be.



4. Sensitive to my needs- You are so unbelievably good at trying to please me, even when it is inconvienient to you, even when you "can't understand, you seek to be understanding" (in the words of Ken Holland_.  You listen to my concerns, you listen when i talk, or when i cry.  You take things that i need from you and you constantly seek to be the best man for me.  You go out of your way to do anything i need and seek to please and make me happy, even if it is to let me have my way in the decorating (caddy corner) haha. 

5. Work- You work hard to be able to provide, and support me so i dont have to work so many hours or stress so much.  I know you are taking classes full time and working full time and yet you never complain about it.  You are such a blessing to me Ant. I love that you are not a lazy man, in fact, quite the opposite.  You do so much for our future and i love that you still manage to take me out on dates and do things for me despite any cost to you. 

6. You seek to make our relationship fruitful- I love how you have read books with me, and that we talk about how we can be better for each other.  I love that we have conversations of what the Lord is doing and how we should allow Him to direct our relationship. You are solid and thankful that though we are imperfect, and dont claim to be perfect, we are striving to be a couple who brings Glory to God-especially through the ways of how we treat each other.  I love how you seek to love me like Christ loves me!

7. Love Language-  I love how you understand my love language is words of affirmation.  The way you say sweet things and send me random text messages telling me you love me just makes me feel so special.  You are good with your words and i love that about you.  I love that you know what i am saying, even if i can't verbalize it fully.  You understand me and try to talk to me in a calm/loving way and even though sometimes i say things i dont mean, you try to calm me and help me with verbalizing what i mean to say.  Thank you for understanding that words are important, communication is important and i see this strength in you.

8. Stress free Zone- I love how you calm me down when i get too "strezzerated" hah.  You ALWAYS have tender words staring with "Baby, calm down, we will work everything out...dont stress... lets talk about it".  You put both your hands on my shoulders and pull me in for a hug.  It never fails, i always feel instantly relaxed and relieved and supported.  You have a special way of calming me down.  You know how to deal with my over anylyzing, pressure, and stress.  You are calm, you are stong, and you are helpful.  I know i can always count on you to be my "reasoning" head when it comes to letting stress take control.  You point out the good in any situation and seek to try to make things look a little clearer.
9. Fixer- I love how you are so handy and you always can take any problem,wheither it be a financial crises, a physical burden, a moving/packing situation, an organizing catastrophy, or just a plain ole simple broken picture frame- you are able to fix it.  You can fix anything that is broken or damaged or ruined.  I know that there is probably nothing you can't do, you are a man's man.  Through this last year i have seen you fix my car, fix my furniture, teach me how to use my own printer, fix the deer meat crisis (that was funny), fix my TV, and my phone.  I am sure there is much more you have fixed, but despite my limited knowledge you have accomplished a lot.   I know your dad taught you well (especially seeing what he can do with a broken four-wheeler!)

10. Relationships- I love how you want me to have good relationships with other girls.  You want me to be encouraged, supported, and spend time with others that also encourage me.  Thank you for offering to be gone on small group days so that i can have a group of girls come over to my apartment and hang out for as long as we need.  You always support me in having other relationships and i so appreciate that because i know you have that mindset that again, is for my good. I love that you want and encourage me to have good relationships with my family and my lifelong friends. 

I am so lucky to marry my best friend in 23 days.  I could go on and on with the list of reasons of why i love Anthony, but for now- these are the top 10!

Thank you for all who have invested their lives into mine- I am so blessed that the Lord continually refines my character and may i become more and more like Him everyday!

slow down....finally

Hey Everyone!

I am back...its been a while. But today i have been inspired to write a little update. I sure do like writing (except if its for a research paper)....but mostly i just like to share what i am learning. I am not a huge blogger so i dont expect anyone to read this, haha..but i thought i would at least remind myself what God is teaching me. So here it goes....

These last few months have been somewhat of a blur, yet very real and...intense you could say. Not intense in a bad way, but a period of realizing a lot, yet not understanding anything. haha....i know that doesn't even make sense, but to me it does.

This period of my life is a very changing period. I am 24 years old, I am getting my masters, preparing for a marriage, and trying to get involved with mission activites within the community. I came from a great family, good church in which many ladies and couples poured into me and God really used them to shape me, to help me to stand on my own, yet still encouraged me to be dependant on the Lord. Wow- what a concept. I will pause here for a moment....

God is amazing and this last year teaching me so much, though i fail everyday it feels like i find that the more i think i know, the less i actually do. Haha. However, I do know- that His ways are better, and that if i DONT depend and listen to Him, then my life and witness is useless. I cannot be a godly woman, future wife, coworker, niece, daughter and friend if i am not in the word, if i am not looking to my source for strength and wisdom.

I dont want to do life on my own, as if i know anything...life is so much better when i am on my knees than when i am demanding for others to look and listen to me. God has been so good to me, and through periods of my life where i wasn't sure to look to- He was my guide, and i am so blessed and thankful that the Holy Spirit speaks to us and that we are made to be sensitivie to that....wow, i am so blessed and experience blessings i never thought i would. I am being challenged and broken and filled up by our amazing God. God is using situtations and people in my life to show me what it means to wholeheartedly follow after Christ- and that although the task is not "world" friendly, it is so much better and so worth it.

I love how the Lord continues to mold us- sometimes i wish i was in another stage of life than where i am (aka--done with school), but God is strangly preparing me in more ways than one. May i forever be praising HIM- the only one who deserves it, and my prayer is that my life would be a testimony of who Christ is! So many people do not understand this strange concept of "take up your cross and follow me..." It is not normal. This message is odd and strange to the world. This doesn't make sense. Even most Christians do not understand this concept- we still live for ourselves every day- we still are selfish in our hearts and constantly allow ourselves to take over, but so thankful for Jesus Christ who loves us and draws us to himself.

ok- well i know i ramble- hah. But just on a every day note, life has been so busy these last few months. Of course school work has overtaken my life! ha. But outside of that Anthony and I are planning our wedding and really excited! He and i have had some amazing talks about where God is taking us and what God is teaching us. We have grown so much and we are blessed. He is my best friend and i can't imagine life without him. We are counting down the days until we get to say "I do..." but have also been so thankful for this time to sit back and evaluate who we are in Christ and also who we are to each other!

where is April??? the big question....

Well, here i am, another day of emotional drama in my head...haha. But wait! Today, has been a bit different.... I was reminded of some words that spurred me on today. The words that reminded me of why i am here at seminary, and why i am feeling called to missions. Life is not even about me, yet i have focused on ME! What am i living for? I am living life to share the gospel, to love like Christ and share that Love, to forgive and heal, to let Christ heal me, to be like Christ in all areas of my life, even when i am by myself. I have been so inward focused on MY hurts, MY pains, MY life. And although God is doing great things in my life and teaching me more things about myself and what i can use in ministry, He is also reminding me of my calling, my focus should be to share the gospel and live a life to bring God glory! I am thankful for this reminder- sometimes we can get so self focused and want to fix every little thing that is wrong and can't move forward until everything is fixed...but if we were to live like this, we would never move forward. I have been stuck, and rather stumped and satan has used that to make my vision blurry about the calling the Lord has placed on my life! Well- you know what i have to tell Satan- "Leave me alone, I am going to bring God glory no matter what life kicks at me" So today, i am asking the Lord to give me not only strength, but protection, wisdom, and of course peace about the tornado i feel like that takes over my life. I am feeling so good, and so free!!!! Thank you Jesus- Credit goes to you!

Day 2

Hey Everyone!

So i am learning a lot about myself lately....and also about my fiance. We have decided to post pone our wedding for now. We realized we have a lot of growing and learning yet to do. We want to seek God in our relationship and desire for Him to have control of our lives, because we cannot depend on each other, nor even our own self. It is a hard lesson to learn, but i believe we will be stronger and better for that!

Like i said before, sometimes you have to get to a point where you completely fall on your face- before you can be willing to be shaped. Thats where we are- seperatly falling before the Lord. It is hard, very hard....but worth it!

Catching up...

Dear Diary,

NOT! I have been wanting to do a blog for a long time...I actually like to write and sometimes better at it rather than talking. So, even if nobody reads it, it still satisfies my desire to "get things out"..haha

Well, as most of you know i have moved up here to Fort Worth and now studying at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. I started my program in counseling, thinking that would be a perfect fit for me, but a year later i hit the hard reality that this is not REALLY what i wanted to do for the rest of my life. I just don't care to be paid or "licensed" to tell people what to do. I really enjoy talking to people and have a burden and passion to hear people's stories and struggles and to pray for them and pray that some words of wisdom from the Lord come out of my mouth. I would like to live life with people and pursue the Lord and tell people all about how He has saved me and changed me and continues to mold me. I am so very blessed in my life to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and desire for all to know this satisfaction! Anyways...So after praying and turning over questions in my head and thinking of the good and bad of changing my degree program, i just finally gave it to the Lord. After my first semester of Seminary (which was very very difficult for me emotionally) i had come to a passion to think about ministry overseas. I never wanted to say it outloud too much because if you say it out loud, people hold you accountable with that and then you HAVE to go...ha. So, i just prayed about it, prayed that the Lord would confirm and lead me. And He did in numerous ways. So, i said, "ok God....lets go!" I changed my degree program to missiology and not 3 days later i get an email saying that the School is taking away the Counseling program at Southwestern....hmmmm...another confirmation for me...

So.... at this point in my life, my friend Katelyn and I had a good talk yesterday that spurred me onto some thoughts of thankfulness to our God! We got to talking about all the things the Lord has brought us through and all that He has taught us.... I was seriously amazed at how His hands have protected me, and guided me, and rescued me. God has had everything orchestrated so perfectly in my life and HE knew the outcome- when i didn't. I remember several moments when i would cry because i wasn't sure why something was happening, but God did- and we walked me through with a plan all along- a plan to grow and sustain me, a plan that would shape the woman i was to become, and still becoming...

So far in 23...almost 24 years, i have yet to say i have any regrets in my life!(katelyn and i were talking about this too...) The best thing that could happen to me is having tough times, is having moments when i cannot do it on my own, when everything seems to be crumbling. The Lord holds me and sooths me-- i love this! But also, the Lord has blessed me like i could have never imagined!

Well....i blubber so sorry if this is too long...this is the good thing about a blog-you can write as much as you want!