Tuesday, July 5, 2011


I am taking summer school this summer and i am studying about the Old Testament.  It is really a wonderful class- I realized how uninformed (because of my own lack of study and effort) i was about the history of God's people.  I have been raised in a Christian home and gone to church all my life, but never have i have trecked through the Old Testament, book by book- studying each meaning and purpose as to why God fashioned the history of Israel the way He did.  It amazes me, I feel like a new born Christian all over again.  God is so unbelievably faithful and so colorful in His provision. He brings to light our human inability, our lack of wisdom and our selfish ways to do life.

Throughout the course and during my readings I couldn't help but ask, "how could the Israelites constantly reject the God who took them out of captivity??" 

Humans are weird and crazy creatures.  Last night i had a breakdown because my heart became so unbelievably broken for a friend who does not know Christ like i thought they did.  You can ask my husband, i started crying in the car and it continued throughout the night...ha.  But what happened in my heart was something that was only through the Lord.  I am nothing and my life is completely a waste if it were not for the very purpose of sharing Christ.  I cried over and over last night of my lack of sharing, feeling disgusted with my selfishness.  Even today, i fail so often to share the hope that i have.  My father is lost, my coworkers are completely lost, some of my family is lost and i know it isn't my job to make them understand, but it is my job and my joy to share the hope from this lost and unsatisfying world. 

It hurts when i hear people flat out reject the God who made them and formed them, and so loved them.  Its like i am watching them spit on the HOLY and mighty God who would do anything for them.  All He desires is commitment and obedience.  I find so much joy in knowing my heavenly father considers me his child.  I can't imagine rejecting the God who created the universe.

If there is anyone who follows or reads this- think for a second about all the people you interact with, the people you joke and have fun with, the people you watch football/baseball games with and even the people who are in your family.  Are you broken for those who you love and yet fail to share the gospel?  Is the gospel that important to you or is it just another section of your life, maybe even your compass, yet you fail to actually get out of the comfort zone and share??  Its not all about "living a good godly" life in front of people, it is actual words.

I am convicted.  I desire to be convicted and reminded of our daily need and our daily responsibility.  If we are not broken for people, then we are completely selfish and we are doing exactly what Paul says not to do- loving the world and making a home here.