where is April??? the big question....

Well, here i am, another day of emotional drama in my head...haha. But wait! Today, has been a bit different.... I was reminded of some words that spurred me on today. The words that reminded me of why i am here at seminary, and why i am feeling called to missions. Life is not even about me, yet i have focused on ME! What am i living for? I am living life to share the gospel, to love like Christ and share that Love, to forgive and heal, to let Christ heal me, to be like Christ in all areas of my life, even when i am by myself. I have been so inward focused on MY hurts, MY pains, MY life. And although God is doing great things in my life and teaching me more things about myself and what i can use in ministry, He is also reminding me of my calling, my focus should be to share the gospel and live a life to bring God glory! I am thankful for this reminder- sometimes we can get so self focused and want to fix every little thing that is wrong and can't move forward until everything is fixed...but if we were to live like this, we would never move forward. I have been stuck, and rather stumped and satan has used that to make my vision blurry about the calling the Lord has placed on my life! Well- you know what i have to tell Satan- "Leave me alone, I am going to bring God glory no matter what life kicks at me" So today, i am asking the Lord to give me not only strength, but protection, wisdom, and of course peace about the tornado i feel like that takes over my life. I am feeling so good, and so free!!!! Thank you Jesus- Credit goes to you!

Day 2

Hey Everyone!

So i am learning a lot about myself lately....and also about my fiance. We have decided to post pone our wedding for now. We realized we have a lot of growing and learning yet to do. We want to seek God in our relationship and desire for Him to have control of our lives, because we cannot depend on each other, nor even our own self. It is a hard lesson to learn, but i believe we will be stronger and better for that!

Like i said before, sometimes you have to get to a point where you completely fall on your face- before you can be willing to be shaped. Thats where we are- seperatly falling before the Lord. It is hard, very hard....but worth it!

Catching up...

Dear Diary,

NOT! I have been wanting to do a blog for a long time...I actually like to write and sometimes better at it rather than talking. So, even if nobody reads it, it still satisfies my desire to "get things out"..haha

Well, as most of you know i have moved up here to Fort Worth and now studying at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. I started my program in counseling, thinking that would be a perfect fit for me, but a year later i hit the hard reality that this is not REALLY what i wanted to do for the rest of my life. I just don't care to be paid or "licensed" to tell people what to do. I really enjoy talking to people and have a burden and passion to hear people's stories and struggles and to pray for them and pray that some words of wisdom from the Lord come out of my mouth. I would like to live life with people and pursue the Lord and tell people all about how He has saved me and changed me and continues to mold me. I am so very blessed in my life to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and desire for all to know this satisfaction! Anyways...So after praying and turning over questions in my head and thinking of the good and bad of changing my degree program, i just finally gave it to the Lord. After my first semester of Seminary (which was very very difficult for me emotionally) i had come to a passion to think about ministry overseas. I never wanted to say it outloud too much because if you say it out loud, people hold you accountable with that and then you HAVE to go...ha. So, i just prayed about it, prayed that the Lord would confirm and lead me. And He did in numerous ways. So, i said, "ok God....lets go!" I changed my degree program to missiology and not 3 days later i get an email saying that the School is taking away the Counseling program at Southwestern....hmmmm...another confirmation for me...

So.... at this point in my life, my friend Katelyn and I had a good talk yesterday that spurred me onto some thoughts of thankfulness to our God! We got to talking about all the things the Lord has brought us through and all that He has taught us.... I was seriously amazed at how His hands have protected me, and guided me, and rescued me. God has had everything orchestrated so perfectly in my life and HE knew the outcome- when i didn't. I remember several moments when i would cry because i wasn't sure why something was happening, but God did- and we walked me through with a plan all along- a plan to grow and sustain me, a plan that would shape the woman i was to become, and still becoming...

So far in 23...almost 24 years, i have yet to say i have any regrets in my life!(katelyn and i were talking about this too...) The best thing that could happen to me is having tough times, is having moments when i cannot do it on my own, when everything seems to be crumbling. The Lord holds me and sooths me-- i love this! But also, the Lord has blessed me like i could have never imagined!

Well....i blubber so sorry if this is too long...this is the good thing about a blog-you can write as much as you want!